


Teflon

by Africanwilderness



Series: Alexandra Cabot: Strength of Character [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Abuse, Beginnings, Canon Related, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, Family Angst, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Homophobia, Rebellious Independence, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-02-27 03:11:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18730546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Africanwilderness/pseuds/Africanwilderness
Summary: Alexandra Cabot tries to brush off her upbringing and rebel against her families staunch stereotypes.Starts from Alex's first day as ADA for the Special Victims Unit.Chapter 10 up!





	1. Family History

Alexandra Cabot knew accepting the role of Assistant District Attorney was not what her parents had wanted. The Cabot Clan had _particular_ expectations of their only daughter, which involved Alex marrying a man of similar breeding, siring his children and being a quiet, obedient woman, mother and wife.

Their expectations did not involve their high society daughter still being independently single in her early thirties. Nor did they expect their intelligent progeny to actually _have_ a brain, let alone _use_ it in such a humiliating and unladylike profession. Alex was _not_ discussed at tea parties or luncheon, much less invited.

 _Women were meant to be seen, used, not heard_. That’s the Cabot’s, the Marqus’, the Tobias', every family in high societies, core belief.

Yes, working for SVU was exactly what Alex Cabot thought she wanted, _needed_ , to finally escape the poisonous clutches of the Cabot doctrine.

Alex had grand aspirations, political aspirations, that would knock her brother off his God complex pedestal, making him topple to the ground where most mere mortals dwell.

Alex couldn’t help jumping out of her seat, a rare feeling of rebellious empowerment overcoming her, as she read her official SVU role offer letter. She didn’t think twice.

Over time, Alex had developed a cool, indifferent, almost icy persona. To hide the hurt and disappointment laden on her by her judgemental, unsupportive elders.

She planned to carry this persona into her new role, to keep everyone at a distance, from the soft, warm heart that beats at the core of this seemingly impenetrable woman.

Alex had learnt from an early age to keep people at arms length, for self preservation purposes. How apt that this forced tendency can now be useful in the career of her choice.

During her very first, initiated introduction to Captain Cragen, the man had asked her who she slept with. He recognised Alex was green, young and beautiful. He was testing her resolve, her core make up. A beautiful woman with no back bone wouldn’t last a day in SVU.

She passed.

He called a lunch meeting the very next day. During said meeting, after a prior discussion with Arthur Branch, Alex became ADA for SVU.

Alexandra Cabot couldn’t have been happier. So much so, she threw caution to the wind and called her mother to impart her news.

Her mother hung up on her in flood of tears, with an insidious parting comment that her _only_ daughter must be one of those career lesbians, because she’s throwing her life down the drain.

Alex starred at her cell for a good minute. Not a tear fell; not a lip trembled. She was numb to the Cabot's emotionally damaging ways.

This wasn’t the first time Alex had been accused of being a lesbian. How could such a beautiful, intoxicating, yet not so young, woman _not_ have found a suitable husband-to-be to bring back to the Upper East Side, to meet the _perfect_ Cabot elders?

Her arsehole brother ribbed her constantly, hardly ever using her given name in the last decade. Instead, he took great pleasure in using _Spinster_ or _Lezza_ as his opening gambits whenever he called to remind Alex of her failure to appease their mummy and daddy Cabot.

Thank God her brother had flown out North West, to Chicago five years prior, in search of his golden child career: Surgeon. One less Cabot to evade. One less prick to listen to at forced family events.

Even with their relationship in dire straits, the Cabot’s always invited all the glitterati to their beautiful, yet oh so disappointing, daughters extravagant birthday parties. Oh, how Alex hated being the centre of attention. Each birthday celebration becoming ever more embarrassingly desperate as her parents paraded her like a lame mare, free to the richest letch.

 _Screw them. Screw them all!_ Even in her own head, Alex can’t bring herself to overtly swear. _Jesus, the Cabot’s really did a number on me!_

 _All these thoughts, just as I’m about to step in to the lions den for the first time? Helpful Cabot, helpful!_ Alex chides herself, knowing this script runs core deep.

 _Here’s to the first chapter of my new script, my new story,_ Alex promises herself as she squares her shoulders, pausing briefly to take in the welcoming sight of the precinct, before she strides towards her destiny, with purpose.


	2. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is introduced to the team.

Alex rides the elevator to the SVU floor and gives herself one last resolute shake before the doors open to her new world.

She steps out, observing the hive of activity happening around her. Excitement fills her veins as she watches two officers struggle with an enormous perp, another speaking softly to a probable family member, as more flitter around her with case and swiftly hidden photo files in their hands.

Alex inhales a steadying breath as she finally moves forward, holding her head up high as she enters the bullring for the first time. It's still thriving with activity but the space appears quieter, more subdued, respectful even.

The attorney notices several detectives crowded round the only familiar face in the room. Once he spies her, there truly is no going back.

‘Miss Cabot.’ Until this moment, Alex has loathed anyone calling her that, the speaker always reminding her of the failure her parents view her to be. But when Captain Cragen acknowledges her in this way, Alex feels proud, rebellious, independent.

‘Captain Cragen,’ she responds politely as the group of detectives surrounding him turn to inspect their new and undeniable attractive ADA.

The only woman in the group steps forward first, the men catching themselves staring; silently berating their innate ways. ‘Hi, I’m Detective Jeffries. Call my Monique,’ she steps closer to Alex, hushing her tone. ‘I know what it’s like walking into a male dominated environment. Don’t let them phase you,’ she says comfortingly, innocently trying to put the ADA at ease. 

But the only emotion that floods the fierce attorney is anger. ‘I know how to handle boys, Detective Jeffries, but thank you for your concern,’ she retorts icily, speaking at normal volume so the watching detectives can hear her.

‘Owww, touché, Miss Cabot,’ Jeffries smiles widely. ‘Think we have a live-wire here boys,’ she jokes with her colleagues who chuckle good-naturedly.

 _Round One to Alexandra Cabot!_ A flush of exhilaration threatens to invades her cheeks. She steps forward, into the line of fire, to further stamp her authority on this first meeting.

‘Hello everyone, I’m Alexandra Cabot and I’m your new ADA. I know you will more than likely come to me from now on, but I wanted to formally introduce myself,’ she says with a small smile, making sure to look each detective in the eye at least once.

‘Well, Miss Cabot...’ Cragen starts.

‘Alex,’ she corrects him.

‘Alex, let me introduce you to my team,’ he offers, his brown eyes soft and unguarded for the first time. He steps forward and gestures to the detective closest to her. ‘This is Detective Monique Jeffries as you already know. Jeffries has been with us two years and has a background in narcotics and child services...’

‘And kicking butt!’ Monique chimes in, a knowing smirk spreading her lips, her male colleagues smiling with her.

‘And that,’ Cragen concedes as he gestures to the next detective. ‘This is Detective Sergeant John Munch.’

The thin, poker-faced and obviously seasoned detective surveys Alex for a moment, before he lowers his sunglasses with a wry smile. ‘You like conspiracy theories?’

The group groans in faux despair. ‘Knock it off John,’ the final detective chides, punching the more senior officer in the arm playfully. ‘Don’t want Miss Cabot running for the hills on day one,’ he jokes as he steps forward.

‘Call me Alex and I’ll leave the running for day two,’ she counters, wanting the team to know she has some humour and can hold her own.

This third detective smiles widely at her response, offering his hand in greeting. ‘I’m Detective Stabler. Call me Elliot. I’m the Alpha around here,’ he jests, he hand lowering without being shaken. This small act tells the perceptive detectives more about their new ADA than anything read or spoken to this point.

Cragen rescues her from Stabler's animal chest-beating. ‘Alex, want to discuss our cases in my office, before this zoo gets out of control?’

Alex gladly approaches the Captain. ‘I don’t mind zoo’s, as long as people pay their admission fee,’ she quips as she steps past her new colleagues.

All three detectives stare in the wake of their new, firecracker ADA. ‘Yup, she’ll do,’ John concludes quietly, rarely impressed by people, let alone attorneys.

‘Get your minds out of the gutter, boys,’ Jeffries calls them out, recognising the appreciation in their eyes.

‘Mon, I’m a Catholic, father of four. What you’re suggesting goes against every part of my...’

‘Leave it out, Elliot! You’re a man first, a Catholic second,’ Monique states intuitively; the young detective shocked to find herself questioning her own sexual orientation as soon as her eyes levelled on the utterly stunning ADA.

 

Alex takes the seat offered by Cragen. ‘Thank you,’ her manners, as always, impeccable. The Captain shuts the door before sitting behind his desk.

‘So, thoughts on our motley crew?’

‘I thought there’d be more,’ Alex answers honestly. ‘Three SVU detectives for the whole of the city,’ she continues, shaking her head, suddenly comprehending why convictions rate are so low _. I intend on changing that_.

‘There are, or were,’ Cragen corrects himself. ‘One of my detectives, Brian Cassidy, realised SVU wasn’t for him, so he transferred to narcotics.’ The Captain trains his eyes on Alex, his meaning entirely evident. ‘I don’t want to lose anymore detectives, or colleagues, but I’m not going to lie to you. This is the hardest, most intensive assignment for any cop, for any ADA. Your predecessor, Ted Grove, couldn’t handle it, transferring back to homicide,’ _Back?_ ‘I had every faith he'd stomach this, as I did Cassidy. But sometimes I’m wrong,’ the Captain finally looks away. ‘If at any point, you’re struggling, _tell_ me, okay?’

Alex wasn’t expecting such an offer from someone who works _for_ her. ‘Let me remind you that you work for me. I attended your lunch as a courtesy. Arthur Branch had already agreed my appointment.’

‘And I’m here to remind you that, yes, you supply our warrants and hold us by the ball sack. _But, I’m_ the head of emotional wellbeing in this unit. You are now part of this unit. So I am responsible for you. Do you understand me?’ the Captain counters back, his voice leaving no room for manoeuvre.

Alex knows when to battle and when to listen. ‘Yes.’

‘Good.’ They lapse into an uneasy silence as both try to settle into their new hierarchy.

‘Three detectives...’ Alex resumes their prior conversation, fluidly.

‘We have a replacement coming to fill Cassidy’s post: Detective Odafin Tutuola. And my final detective, Olivia Benson, is taking a rare personal day,’ he explains, detailing the unit in its entirety.

_Five detectives for the whole of New York?_

‘I know what you’re thinking, Miss... Alex. No, it’s not enough but it’s all we have,’ Cragen’s voice softens. ‘The complete lack of funding along with the fact most officers don’t want this assignment, or don’t have the stomach for it, leaves SVU understaffed and overworked,’ he describes the true picture of what life is like in the most important division within the police service. ‘I’m not doing this to scare you. I’m saying this to open you eyes, wide, to what we’re dealing with here.’ Cragen glances at the young, green and beautiful ADA Cabot. ‘And that’s before we introduce you to the rapists, paedophiles and other sexual deviants who prowl our streets like it’s a candy shop, waiting to pounce on their next sugary treat...’

‘Okay, Captain, you’ve made your point,’ Alex finally interrupts him, frustrated but understanding of his tactic. ‘I know what you’re doing and I know why you’re doing it,’ she meets and holds his gaze. ‘Why waste time with a green, young, ignorant attorney who looks fresh out of law school, when a homicide EADA couldn’t stomach it? Am I right?’ Alex calls him out, wanting to speak as plainly as he is.

The Captain has the grace to lower his eyes, his answer silent but obvious.

‘I’ve worked darn hard to be where I am. I didn’t sleep my way to get here,' she retorts caustically, reminding the Captain of their first conversation. He blushes crimson. ‘Arthur Branch does not employ ADA's without the requisite qualifications and the backbone to go with it. Okay, Ted was a surprise, but I am here because of my motivation and determination to speak for the victims. _Not_ because I knelt in front of aging men who had the ability to throw me up the ladder,’ Alex states forcefully, hating that this conversation is necessary.

Cragen twiddles his thumbs self-consciously for several beats. ‘I’m sorry you felt that’s what I was implying. I wasn’t suggesting _that_. I was simply testing whether you'd balk at the mention of sex, considering sex crimes is what we deal with,’ he explains himself, revealing more about Alexandra Cabot’s views and beliefs than she wishes to expose. 'And it's a question I ask every new starter, no matter their gender.'

This time the attorney lowers her eyes, surprised the Captain isn’t the chauvinist she has perceived all men to be. 'I’m sorry,’ she apologies, for what she’s not quite sure, but her breeding demands she voice it.

Cragen waves a dismissive hand. ‘No need, Alex,’ he shifts in his seat slightly, reaching under his desk for two glasses and a carton of orange juice. He pours and offers a glass to the attorney. The ADA takes it. ‘Okay, so here’s to a potentially beautiful friendship?’ Alex chinks the Captain’s glass in agreement.

 _Indeed Captain_. 


	3. Fire and Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex receives a call.  
> Someone leaves an impression on the new ADA. 
> 
> Warning for implied abuse.
> 
> Edited slightly for mistakes

Alex walks into her apartment, shattered but exhilarated. Never had she felt more sure of anything in her life. She wanted, no _needed_ to be part of this. _To speak for the victims._  

Alex is surprised at how her views had near reversed in one day. This wasn’t just political; to overthrow her arsehole brother, to goad her bigoted parents; anymore. The newly appointed ADA of New York City has a core motivation to help.  

With all the internal anxieties and battles of showing a united front at those awful socials and parties, Alex has _finally_ found somewhere she can grow. Make a name for herself, yes; but somewhere she can grow into the person she wants to be.  

Walking into the precinct for the first time this morning, the blank canvas has already started to colour with gleeful, freeing, vibrant strokes of red, yellow and green. _I need a bigger canvas._  

She smiles to herself, then acknowledges this rarity. _Yes, SVU will do_ _,_ the young, green ADA surmises, near mirroring John Munch's assessment of her earlier. His words seeped warmly into the cochlear of the ever aware and watchful Alexandra Cabot. A skill she had honed from an early age... _enough!_ The attorney shakes her head. _We’re_ _not going down that_ _..._  

Alex looks at her phone to distract herself. _Nothing_. She shouldn’t be surprised. _What high society_ _lady would dream of working with rapists and paedophiles?_ _Maybe a high society lady who_ _has_ _experienced more than one of those such_ _deviants within that_ _very_ _same high society._ _Rich people are such hypocrites._ _Of course,_ _crime is only attractive to those earning under £300,000_ _in_ _bonuses,_ _a year._ Alex cringed internally, loathing her ‘good’ breeding with an all-consuming passion. _And that’s_ _before you learn never to mention two_ _low key_ _‘_ _activities_ _’_ _: fraud and tax evasion._  

Alex can’t halt the mirthless laugh that escapes her lips at the absurdity and seemingly limitless heights societies _finest_ will reach, to aide and abet their delusions of grandeur. _Pricks, the lot of them!_  

And what better way to distance yourself from the cloying, suffocation of what is expected of one particularly beautiful, well breed, female Cabot, than to build new foundations working in the trenches of societies dregs. _Perhaps_ _not fallen t_ _o_ _o far from the_ _tree_ _after all. Just,_ _steadfastly_ _on_ _the_ _opposing_ _team._  

 _Screw them!_ Alex’s mind screams suddenly, still absentmindedly hoping her mother; _hell_ , maybe even her father, might actually enquire how her first day, as the ADA of New York City, went. _No. A lady of ‘good' breeding shouldn’t work._ _Much l_ _ess_ _work in such a degenerate environment._ If only they realised how much these two environments had in common. At least SVU has the courage to openly acknowledge what it is working with. _The Cabot elders..? Jesus_ _..._  

Her anger sparks with a blinding force. _No!_ Alex knows she’s allowed herself to think too deeply. _Maybe this role isn’t such a goo..._ _Don’t!_ _No one is going to take this_ _away_ _from me!_ the attorney rallies against her own insecurities. _No one_ _!_  

The seething attorney flings off her shoes in open rage; near throwing her bag over the kitchen counter top. Sensibility hits at the last second, her long fingers grasping the strap, moments before her favourite, professional bag slides off the edge. _Breathe Cabot!_  

The Adams family ringtone splinters her nerves. _Father_. She’s always _hated_ that theme tune. Alex looks at the screen for several beats before answering, still hoping her daddy may ask about his rebellious and shameful daughter's day. 

‘Father,’ the attorney answers, as any _good_ girl should. 

‘Alexandra,’ his gruff tone voicing her name like an expletive. Alex shudders despite herself. ‘Your mother and I require your attendance at a tea party this Saturday. You’re expected at 11am and wear relatively formal attire. _That_ blue dress,’ he asserts, leaving no room for discussion. _Oh God. The one that screams 'desperate!' I think not._ Alex bites her tongue, wanting nothing more than to lay into his demands, his control; to ask him why the sudden invitation to one of their heinous tea parties. Something stops her. _Good breeding. Good girl._  

The attorney audibly growls as soon as her father cuts the line. She clutches her cell so tightly, she’s amazed it doesn’t snap. Previous experience warns her _not_ to throw it.  

‘Unimaginable _bastard!’_ bursts from her perfectly made-up lips, a deep moan of anguish permeating her entire apartment as Alex tries and succeeds in regaining control of her emotions. _The one good thing tha_ _t_ _c_ _a_ _me out of my childhood: a rigid_ _,_ _psychological control over any wayward emotions._ _Perfect for_ _the_ _courtroom_ _!_  

 

She’s strides in to the precinct for day two of her new life; the new Alexandra Cabot. _Badass_ _Cabot_ _._ An increased confidence aides her stride; knowing exactly where she needs to be, and that she’ll be _needed_. A potential warrant to search a suspected rapists apartment, dependent on the veracity of any information Detective Stabler ( _dick with a smile_ ) and Detective Benson ( _unknown quantity_ ) can glean from him.  

Alex greets Cragen with a silent nod; a renewed respect sizzling between them, as they walk together to interrogation room one.  

The attorney stands in front of the one way glass, shoulder to shoulder with Cragen as she takes in the scene before her. Or more to the point, the female detective before her. Alex subconsciously licks her lips as her breath stutters momentarily. She glances toward the Captain, thankful he is entirely focused on the interrogation. Alex clears her throat self-consciously, paranoid the seasoned cop’s silently assessing her reactions, even with his eyes facing forward.  

She turns back to the one way window, trying her best to listen as... Detective... _Benson(?)_ leans over the table provocatively, igniting the perps, and the ADA's loins; in a well-versed, interrogation tactic.  

 _Jesus!_ Alex’s head screams as the detective whispers seductively in the struggling perp’s ear: ‘You like them wet, huh?’ 

The ADA scans the entirety of the beautifully confident woman in front of her. The darkness of her eyes, the perfection of her lips, her top purposely tight to entice and distract the perp's, her body magnificently athletic, her face angular, her voice deep and assertive.  

 _Oh_ _God_ _!_  


	4. First Meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex meets Detective Olivia Benson.

Alex's stomach knots as Cragen wraps his knuckles on the window, indicating the interrogation is over. _Damn!_ The outwardly calm attorney clears her throat and subtly dries her palms on her skirt as first, Dick with a smile, then Detective Olivia Benson exit the interrogation room and walk towards them, in the viewing area.  

Alex ignores Stabler completely as the beautiful detective meets her gaze. _Jesus!_ Scorching chocolate warmth melts every vestige of glacial ice in her flailing armour.  

The Captain interrupts the silent demolition of her fortress walls. ‘Olivia, let me introduce you to Alexandra Cabot, our fresh ADA.’ If she hadn’t be so distracted, Alex would have challenged Cragen's use of the word 'fresh’. ‘Miss Cabot...’ _Better_. ‘... introduce to you, Detective Olivia Benson.’  

‘Alex,’ the attorney corrects instead. 

‘Liv,’ the stunning detective extends her hand. 

‘Liv,’ Alex parrots, liking the feel of the noun on her tongue as she stares at the hand offered her. The attorney has one steadfast rule: _no touching_. But as Olivia begins to lower her offering, Alex decides to risk overwhelming anxiety, to _feel_ the touch of the enthralling, gentle-eyed detective. A jolt of electric arousal sizzles thru the young counsellor. 

‘Alex,’ Olivia parrots back, a tiny smile dancing across her lips.  

 _I’m in trouble_ _,_ the ADA realises with keen nervousness. Never has a person, let alone a _woman,_ caused such fireworks in her soul. Alex can't remember feeling more alive, more independent than when staring into those bottomless, chocolate brown eyes.  

The attorney finally turns her head to acknowledge Stabler, to avoid utterly embarrassing herself. She bites her lip and inhales a shaky breath in an attempt to quieten her rioting emotions. 

‘So, thoughts Miss Cabot?’ Cragen asks gruff, seemingly unaware of Alex's internal struggles. 

 _Concentrate Cabot!_ ‘You got enough for a search...’ Stabler pumps his fist, arrogantly. ‘... but only search for the recordings. The rope, cuffs and chains are inadmissible,’ she finishes, dampening his premature self-congratulations. 

‘Why counsellor?’ Stabler steps toward her; inside her comfort zone. _Prick!_  

Alex stares him down. ‘Because your questions fed him the rope, cuffs and chain, detective,’ she argues, sufficiently quietening the aggravated cop. Though he still maintains his position, as does Alex. 

‘El,’ Olivia says softly, her hand clutching his crossed forearm. Her touch breaks the spell. Dick instantly steps back, finally affording the attorney her personal space.  

 _Yes, his nickname_ _will do_ _,_ Alex mutters privately, as Cragen asks Dick for a word in his office. _Perhaps not quite so ignorant,_ she wonders of Cragen, as she continues to gaze at the gorgeous woman in front of her. 

‘Sorry Alex,’ Olivia apologises to the younger woman, on her partners behalf. ‘He’s _used_ to getting his own way,’ she explains further, rolling her eyes in frustration. Unbeknownst to the SVU detective, she couldn’t have said anything more thrilling to her new ADA. _Don’t they all_ _,_ is on the tip of her tongue, but Alex silences it at the last moment. _Too personal. Too revealing_ _._  

‘Why do women always have to apologise for men’s actions?’ Alex asks bluntly, before internally checking herself. _You idiot!_  

But the smile that crosses Olivia's stunning features causes the attorneys legs to shake, her heart to race and her mouth to dry. The light chuckle that follows urges Alex to make a sole promise to hear it again. _Get a grip, Cabot_ _!_  

‘Just remember they’re five-year-old boys in men’s clothing. Kinda helps with the frustration,’ Olivia jokes back; her perfect teeth on display, her eyes sparkling.  

Alex can’t help but smile too, unable to recall the last time such an event occurred. If only she had an inkling of the impact such a beautiful sight had on most sexual beings in the vicinity.  

 

Alex's first week was the most incredible and inspiring of her life. _I am_ _standing shoulder to shoulder with law enforcement, as an officer of the court,_ _dragging societies dregs_ _, kicking and screaming, to heal_.  

Still, the ADA lost her first case, prosecuting against an animal who sexually abused underage boys. Due to the allegations being historic, Alex was unable to prove the abuse, due to insufficient physical evidence and a lack of complaining witnesses. _An impossible case, Liv told her in_ _commiseration_. Still, that night she went home and drank half a glass of wine. That’s _drinking_ in the Alex Cabot household.  

In the wider Cabot Clan, drinking is a much loved and overly indulged past-time that leads to... _stop!_ One saving grace, the alcoholic's in said Clan are rarely functioning before 1pm. _11am start_ _,_ Alex reassures herself. _12:30pm escape._  

To prevent further, deeper, more excruciating thoughts, Alex shakes her head at the reflection in the mirror, staring back at her. _The blue_ _cocktail_ _dress?_ _Just no_ _._ She'd chosen a red and black, knee-length skirt and a black silk, boat-neck top. _Sophisticated, classy and understated._ _Anything but desperate._  

Her mind wanders to imagining Olivia in a red dress; _anything_ but blue. Her dusky skin would favour any colour, even Godforsaken blue. _Blue,_ Alex shudders. _Always blue. It goes with your eyes, Alexandra. It_ _lights up your face, sweetie. It brings out your best features_ _and hides your worst,_ _Lex_ _..._ _Goes with your personality_ _:_ _ice queen_ _.._ _._ _Take it off, girlie, or I’ll tear it off you..._ Alex swallows thickly, fighting the ever-present nausea.  

She hasn’t worn blue since she left home. Nor will she, willingly, ever again. _Even_ on her hypothetical wedding day. _Not_ that she _wants_ a wedding day. _Too traditional and expected. Too Cabot Clan._ Not that the vows meant tuppence once they were uttered.  

Alex grits her teeth, wishing she could control her mind as well as she can control her external behaviour. Internally, her rebellious nature demands she lash out, scream, tear down every last vestige of the Cabot Clan and their collective cruelty. Externally, she’s effortlessly gliding thru each day, as elegantly as a swan on ice-skates. Beautiful but aloof and detached. _Even_ dangerous. Look but don’t touch. _No, d_ _on’t look. I’m not an oil painting_ _at_ _the Tate_ _Britain_ _._  

So, as she strides up her Cabot Elders numerous steps to the eventual front (third) door to their palatial and ostentatious mansion (one of many); Alex keeps the idea of the athletically intoxicating detective housed in a very tiny, forbidden, happy place, behind her heart, in an alcove so hidden and removed from the outside world, even the Cabot Clan are yet to penetrate it’s depths. 


	5. Friction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex enters the lions den. 
> 
> Huge trigger warning for child and physical abuse.
> 
> Thank you for all your support, kudos and comments. Means the world.

Alex swallows thickly as she wraps the door-knocker twice _._ _‘_ _Why knock when we’ve got a perfectly good doorbell, Alexandra?_ _’_ She knocks once more. _Little victories._  

The door is thrown open sharply. _Father_. _Trigger_ _O_ _ne._ His icy blue eyes scan her _red_ attire coldly. _Another small win._  

‘Alexandra,’ he sniffs in disdain. 

‘Father,’ Alex meets his barb with a goading retort.  

He bites his lip to delay the inevitable argument _before_ his daughter even steps inside the property. Instead, Gerald Hugo Cabot frostily moves aside, allowing his most disappointing offspring to enter _his_ domain.  

The ADA innately moves to the third dining room on the right, where her oblivious mother, possibly a few other undesirable Cabot’s and the latest potential _suitor_ will no doubt be waiting. 11:04. _Tardy._ _Another internal fist-pump._  

Alex steals herself against the probably presence of several _other_ triggers, in the vastly oversized dining area. She takes a steadying breath as she steps into the room of judgement, disappointment and pain. The ADA eyes each face. As predicted, Trigger Two, Three and Suitor are in attendance.  

Her lashes flicker slightly as she calls on her most impenetrable, icy facade; the one she calls _Warrior_. Yes, Alex has names for her varying degrees of self-preservation. Warrior is her most formidable defence against total devastation.  

‘Alexandra,’ her mother acknowledges derisively, obviously not impressed by her beautiful daughter’s colour choice, or her tardiness.  

‘Mother,’ the ADA responds flatly, her repulsion for the woman never further than a hair’s-breadth away. Alex nods towards Trigger Three because she knows uttering a word to him will only cause him to remove his hands from the top of the table. Alex's skin crawls at the man’s audacity; her mother and fathers complete disregard for his treatment of her, _their_ treatment of her... 

Alex stops her unhelpful mental chatter dead. One handy fail-safe when nothing else works: _physical_ _pain._ The nail of her left index finger is currently drawing blood from her right palm. _Soothing_ _;_ _like an old friend._  

Finally, after what feels like hours, but has only been seconds in reality, Alex looks at her current suitor. He's older than her; _they generally always are._ No younger , privileged man’s parents would allow them to court a ‘middle-aged’ spinster. ‘ _There has to be something wrong with her'_ _,_ Alex overheard a dowager, Tobias matriarch stage - whisper at a decadently abysmal birthday party once. _Yes, there_ _i_ _s something wrong with me;_ _a lot_ _in fact._ _But,_ _not being straight isn'_ _t one of them._  

The ADA has known for some time she isn’t entirely heterosexual. _Coach Ridley at school. Lecturer Julie at University._ But it has taken the appearance of one Detective Olivia Benson to truly solidify her suspicions. _Olivia..._ Never has a person, let alone a woman, awoken Alex's dormant, carnal urges so completely. _I, Alexandra Cabot, am a lesbian_. She has to catch herself before the drool, pooling at the corner of her mouth, runs down the front of her black boat-neck top. 

To distract herself, the ADA stares at the suitor she has been presented to. Alex recognises him but can’t place his name. She doesn’t entertain the notion of learning a person’s name when she plans on avoiding them like the plague. She knows he’s a _disgraced_ _divorcee_ who has tried to catch her parent’s attention for years. How much money has he had to part with? Or are her _owners_ really _this_ desperate to relinquish the burden that is their 33-year-old, head-strong daughter.  

The man is twice her age. _Nothing new there_ _._ He has an unfortunate nose that causes the rest of his face to shrink in horror at its dominance. His covert leer reveals discoloured teeth from too many cigar and brandy evenings, squirrelled away discussing how men are masters of the universe.  

He is morbidly obese and ruddy faced. _I’ll be safe from an erection with this one!_ Alex can't help the tiny smirk that dances across her lips. She feigns clearing her throat to hide the socially inappropriate gesture. _Behave, Cabot!_ Another self-preservation tactic: _dark, inappropriate h_ _umour._ Never aired, mind. _No_ _Cabot_ _could_ _ever_ _be seen to have anything_ _other_ _than a_ _g_ _r_ _atingly superior sense of_ _self... sorry_ _..._ _humour._  

When her suitor remains silent, appraising her with ill-concealed lust, _like they_ _always_ _do_ , _fricki_ _ng perverts,_ Alex's determination to stare him out strengthens two-fold. 

Only when Trigger Three suddenly moves his disgusting hands under the table, does Alex realise the stand-off is turning him on. _Jesus, Jeremiah!_ _Jeremiah Cabot_ _;_ _my maternal grandfather._  

Alex would have felt sorry for her mother, felt empathy with her own assumed plight at his.... But, as soon as Frieda Cabot slammed the door on her desolate and pleading daughter, their relationship was irreversibly tarnished, forever. _Murder your daughter_ ’ _s_ _soul_ _to maintain your life of luxury._  

Alex swallows harshly, wondering why she _keeps_ putting herself thru this; the horror of _this_ haunting house and its many skeletons.  

‘Alexandra,’ the grotesque suitor finally speaks; his voice already laced with the tell-tale slurs of alcohol. Alex shudders despite herself, purposely avoiding looking in Trigger Number Three’s direction; dreading the very real possibility of finding him openly masturbating. _It has been known, and ignored, many times._ _Surely not with a_ _suitor_ _present_ _?!_ _Christ! Why am I here?_  

Alex surreptitiously shakes her head to clear her trauma'd thoughts. She swallows the constant stream of acrid tasting bile violating her mouth. _Breath Cabot._  

It's then she realises her suitor has continued talking. ‘... so, what do you say?’ _Crap! What did he say?_  

All eyes descend upon her. She flinches under their intense gaze. 

‘Girlie.’ Alex's stomach tenses in nauseating disgust. _This ‘man' hasn’t acknowledged_ _me v_ _ocally in years._ _He does now, using his sickening nickname_ _._ ‘I suggest you take his offer before you die a virgin,’ he sneers. 

Her hands grip the table so tightly, Alex fears she’ll break her fingers on the 200-year-old oak. She feels her body tremble uncontrollably as her teeth gnash with the near overwhelming desire to rip out his jugular and feed it to him. The ADA knows her quaking limbs won’t relent, as she thrusts her eyes down to the woodgrain in an attempt to ground herself. _Oh_ _Jesus_ _!_ _Please_ _... no!_ Alex pleads with her traitorous limbs.  

The smile on Trigger Threes face snaps something inside her weakening resolve. _I’m a deer in a_ _prison_ _of wolves. I can_ _’_ _t do this anymore... I was stupid to think I_ _._ _.. for appearances..._  

Alex levels her most acidic gaze on her three abusers, ‘I need to go back to work...’  

‘Work?’ the suitor chortles in disbelief; eyeing her father and grandfather with chauvinistic arrogance. ‘A pretty thing like you won’t be working once we’re married.’ _What?_ Alex's shock is too profound not to be evident on her face. _Damnit!_ she chastises, feeling Trigger Three’s glee without even looking at him. 

‘We’ve given you too loose a leash over the years...’ _You see m_ _e_ _as_ _your bitch, to do with what you will_ _..._ _A piece of_ _prime cut_ _meat, to_ _produce_ _and sell to the_ _highest bidder_ _;_ _to_ _dissect_ _, chew and consume with_ _repetitive_ _vigour. NO! ‘_... You are to marry Nathaniel in late August...’  

Finally, Alex’s icy facade heeds her desperate wishes. ’Can I remind you that we have just entered the 21st century. A time where women are _allowed_ to live independently, don’t _require_ a husband to look _after_ them, work and earn their _own_ salary, have a career path of their _own_ choosing, and a human expectation and God given _r_ _ight_ to the word ‘no’ and it being _heeded_ ,’ the magnificent ADA finishes, her voice calm, yet stilted, at all times.  

She watches her father’s fingers work. If the suitor wasn't present, those very knuckles would be pummelling her skin. Alex knows this with absolute certainty.  

The Clan never allow her to leave, until the bruises are healed, leading to _further_ abuses on her person. _Small yet significant mercies. Thank_ _you_ _,_ _Nathaniel_ _._  

Alex’s internal chatter reminds her of a case late in her first week, of a 11-year-old girl who was locked in a room and used as a sex-slave until one ‘client’ went too far, killing her. Unbeknownst to anyone in her team, Alex had downed more than half a glass, that night.  

She inhales a deep and steadying breath; her insides screaming blue... no red... murder. _These_ _perverted_ _wolves in_ _sheeps_ _clothing... are exactly_ _that:_ _paedophiles, rapists,_ _domestic abuse perpetrators... and soul murderers._  

Alex finally trusts herself enough to stand. ‘Where you going, girlie?’ _he_ speaks again, his hands still ominously under the table.  

‘I no longer need to sit and ignore you masturbating opposite me, _every_ time I’m here,’ the brave ADA states with shaky conviction, never before having challenged her grandfather directly. He freezes his jolting movements mid-stroke. _Jesus!_ ‘I have friends...’ _not entirely true..._ ‘... in the Special Victims Unit now, as the Assistant District Attorney for New York State,’ Alex continues, her ire stoked but simmering. She swears she hears the suitor exhale sharply. ‘I work to ensure rapists and paedophiles are appropriately punished for their disgusting crimes...’ she eyeballs all three triggers. ‘I will _not_ allow you to continue to abuse me. I will _not_ be sold like cattle to the market. I am a _person_ , a living, _breathing_ person; _not_ a plaything, to be used and discarded, again and again.’ The ADA realises her resolute resolve is thinning with every passing second. _Escape... run... now!_   

Alex heads for the door as her father races after her. _Oh God no!_ She knows if he catches her, she may never leave this hellish prison again. Alex runs for the nearest exit, clutching the knob desperately as her father comes up behind her, violently slamming her willowy frame into the door, winding her. _No!_ He grabs her wrists and wrenches them behind her back as her mother and grandfather look on with glazed and hungry eyes, respectively.  

The suitor nervously steps into view, wringing his hands as he observes a scene that is utterly alien to him. ‘Um... Gerald...’ he starts, his voice freezing her father’s abuse, mid-slap.  

Her father turns to the suitor, his grip still vicelike against his beautiful daughter’s flesh. ‘I will not abide my daughter dishonouring me in such a way, _especially_ in front of my guests,’ he states firmly, as though slapping and manhandling women is the norm, and a common place occurrence in every high society household. _It is in the Cabot household._  

‘She works for the DA's office, Gerald!’ Suitor argues further; the first listener to drop his penny.  

‘I don’t care if she worked for the _fucking_ president,’ Alex's father counters. Swearing is very much allowed and encouraged in the male line of the Cabot Clan. _Yet_ a _nother injustice._ ‘Alexandra _will_ toe the line,’ he further asserts as he begins steering her deeper into the belly of the beast. _No!_  

Alex’s every fibre screams at her to fight him, but she knows he can and will overpower her. The more she struggles, the greater the harm she will come to. Even so, she pulls against his hold until his grip tightens bone-crushingly. She winces in pain and disgust as her grandfather purposefully doesn’t move out the way, forcing Alex to brush against him as her father leads her deeper into the devils’ lair. _Please no!_  

‘Gerald...’ my suitor stammers, his anxiety clear. ‘I really don’t agree with all this.’ His words surprise Alex to the core. _Might he save me?_  

Alex's soul-shatters as she watches her would-be-saviour leave the room. ‘No,’ she croaks in open terror. 

Her father nods to her mother to follow the suitor out, leaving the frozen ADA utterly alone, with two of her most unnerving triggers. 

The spine-tingling doorbell interrupts Alex’s beating; the sources fingers, incessant and rabid in their determination to be acknowledged. _Help me!_ Alex’s mind screams as her grandfather’s hand gags her. 

Several excruciating minutes later, a knock at their internal door forces her father and grandfather to _finally_ release her. Alex side-steps to maintain her balance as her mother peeks her head thru the door. ‘It’s the police,’ she whispers nervously. 

 _Help me,_ Alex pleads silently, thanking her suitor for having the... 

‘Alex?’ the ADA suddenly hears her name. ‘Alex? We need you... we needed a warrant, _yesterday_...’ 

 _Olivia_. Alex bolts towards that gorgeously velvet, and safe, voice. _Olivia!_  


	6. Tug-of-war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A terrifying game of tug-of-war, Alex being the prize.
> 
> For M ❤

Alex races to the door, side-stepping her useless mother. The hairs stand up on the back of her neck as her abusive grandfather whispers in the deathliest tone: ‘Girlie, you say a word and you're dead.’ This one, harrowing threat almost sweeps her legs from under her. Alex reaches the door just in time. She holds on to the grain, the handle, with all her might.

It is abundantly clear what her grandfather is capable of; what each and _every_ Cabot family member, save Alex, is capable of. _He'll.. they'll find me, torture me, then eventually kill me,_ Alex knows with every single fibre of her being.

The young ADA turns to her triggers; sweat and blood dripping down her face. She wipes her cheek and stares at her hand. _Blood... how the hell do I hide this?!_ Having been abused and coerced for so many years, Alex is not even struck by this being her first thought; her fear that Olivia would see evidence of her abuse and so bring shame on the Cabot Clan. _Not_ that her injuries could be used as evidence to imprison said abusers.

‘Alex?!’ Olivia’s voice is closer, her tone more concerned than impatient now.

‘Look at the _state_ of you. If that officer sees you like that, she’ll think you’ve been an idiot and fallen down the stairs. She won’t believe you over three witnesses,’ Alex's father grooms and demeans her truths; an ongoing barrage of whispered emotional abuse deafening her.

 _Please stop!_ Alex begs, her hand still frozen on the door knob. _Open it, Cabot,_ she remonstrates herself, _hating_ that her body is defying her mind; her innate fight or flight response: to freeze. _Move!_ Her body continues to disobey her as the devil’s hands make renewed contact with her bruised flesh.

‘No!’ she inadvertently screams, the probability of being further assaulted, too much for her to bear.

‘Alex?’ Olivia’s voice sounds, just the other side of the door.

‘Olivia,’ she croaks as her father’s, grandfather's and mother’s violating fingers withdraw their grip.

‘Open the door, Alex,’ Olivia requests softly. The ADA’s muscles continue to disobey her; her frame frozen in absolute terror, _of not being found, of being found._ Both options cause shivers of revulsion, shame and despair to radiate through her willowy frame. _Oh God!_

The detective tries the handle, the door opening a crack. _Oh, no. No, Olivia!_ Alex's mind screams, knowing her eyes, her injuries, her body, will scream of what’s happened to her.

Alex backs up, in line with the door; her last ditch attempt to hide from the beautiful and perceptive detective; from Olivia seeing the damage done to her. _‘No one will believe you...’_

Only when the blonde and brunette lock eyes, does Alex's body finally acquiese to her bidding. The ADA stands to her full height, in the corner behind the door, attempting to look proud and formidable as Olivia's eyes assess her entirety.

If her trauma wasn’t so achingly apparent, Alex might have enjoyed the detectives thorough perusal. As it stands, the attorney knows one, mortifying word is currently oozing from her every pore: _abuse. The only person to ever ignite my arousal, will never want to touch me now; if she ever did..._ Alex finds herself thinking as Olivia takes a step towards her.

‘Alex...’ The attorney had grown to like her own name in the past week, because of the way the detective says it. But hearing it now, with such comfort and sympathy, causes Alex's heart to constrict with guilt, shame, humiliation and utter despair. With one word, the blonde knows Olivia has deduced enough. _She knows I’m a victim..._ Alex's lips begin to tremble as those chocolate orbs finally leave her cloudy blues.

The detective retrieves her weapon and begins searching the empty room with her eyes. ‘Where is he?’ she asks, causing Alex's legs to shake in abject terror and shame.

The attorney licks her lips to moisten them before opening her mouth for the first time since her soul dropped to the floor. ‘Leave, Olivia,’ she whispers, wishing to protect the brunette from the evils that lurk around every corner of this seemingly pristine household.

The detective stares at Alex then, her silent question: _‘Why?’_ punctuated by the absolute comprehension that their danger is not over. Olivia grips her weapon tighter, as her eyes search the room once more. ‘I’m not leaving you,’ she promises, defying Alex's desperate request.

‘Nothings happened...’ the attorney begins before silencing herself; her mother suddenly entering the room from one of the many other doors. _Please let her go..._

‘Detective...’ she welcomes, waiting for Olivia to fully introduce herself.

‘Benson,’ she supplies, still holding her weapon as she unconsciously steps in front of Alex. _Oh, Olivia._

‘I'm Frieda Cabot, Alex’s mother.’ Their similarities are staggering: flaxen locks, piercing cloudy blue eyes, softly angular jaws and killer cheekbones. ‘Sorry I wasn’t here to formally welcome you. I was in the den, searching for an ice press for my daughter,’ she explains convincingly; ice press, bottle of water, anti-septic cream and gauze readily in hand. Frieda attempts to approach Alex, to ‘help' tend to her injuries.

‘Wait,’ Olivia states evenly. ‘Can I please have a moment alone with your daughter?’ she asks politely, though her entire body is infused with adrenaline.

‘Can I not tend to her first?’ Frieda asks, as any caring mother would. Rage engulfs the externally stoic Alex. _Don’t you DARE...._

The detective glances at Alex, to gauge her reactions. Silently reading them, Olivia muscular body doesn’t move aside. ‘I need a few moments alone with Alex,’ she says more forcefully, her weapon still at her side. Frieda eyes it with cool derision, before her eyes spear her daughter, a thousands instructions tumbling over themselves, unspoken.

‘Can you please instruct my daughter to be more careful coming down the stairs in future,’ she makes her move, deploying an explanation that is _both feasible and complete bullshit,_ the detective discerns astutely. Frieda places the first-aide items at Olivia’s feet before silently moving to the other side of the room. ‘Alone, Mrs Cabot,’ the detective stresses, near commanding Frieda in her own home.

As soon as the room is vacant, Olivia turns to gaze at the obviously brutalised attorney. Alex gives nothing away as the detective stares at her. ‘Alex... can I suggest we leave?’ she utters the one thing Alex doesn’t expect. _No forceful questions, no cornering, just escape... let’s escape this hellhole._ The attorneys heart riots and her lungs seize with overwhelming relief that Olivia isn't going to third-degree her... _here at least._ Unbeknownst to Alex, Olivia has read her cloaked features, loud and clear.

‘Detective Benson,’ Alex's father, Gerald, walks into the fray. _Please father..._ Alex begs futilely, noting his newly donned suit and shirt. _You..._ ‘May I ask that you either holster your weapon or leave,’ he requests in his most jovial tone. ‘We are anti-gun in this district,’ he further states, as though it has some relevance.

‘Mr Cabot...’

‘Senator Cabot,’ he smiles smugly as he watches Olivia holster her piece.

‘Senator Cabot,’ the detective corrects herself. ‘Apologies. I require a few moments with Alex, alone, please,’ Olivia repeats herself.

‘And why would you need to do that?’ Gerald asks, his position seemingly all powerful and unperturbed.

‘I need to discuss a confidential case with your daughter. It’s the reason I’m here,’ Olivia explains eloquently, innately knowing to speak the truth would lead somewhere dangerous.

‘Well, confidential case aren’t discussed in this household, I’m afraid,’ his tone light and friendly. ‘But given we have just learned of Alex's new role within the ADA's office and now met one of her colleagues, would you do me the honour of staying for lunch?’ Gerald offers, the strange invitation tasting bitter in Olivia’s mouth. ‘And allow my wife to tend to our injured daughter?’ An after thought.

‘Sir,’ the detective tries to appease him. ‘Unfortunately, the case I need to discuss with your daughter can’t wait. If we're unable to speak here, privately, I feel it’s best we leave and seek medical attention on route.’ Alex stays routed to the spot, watching her father and Olivia have a very civilised, yet treacherous, tug-of-war. Her mind, body and soul are tearing apart, under the strain.

‘Father,’ she finds her voice, at last. ‘You heard Detective Benson when she came in. She needs a warrant, that only I can supply. This is a matter of quite extreme urgency for her to come here to get it,’ Alex explains, her voice deep and gravelly from where he father began to choke her, moments before Olivia... _Jesus, please get us out of here!_

‘Alexandra, working in the Senate, I completely understand the importance of warrants,’ Gerald states dismissively, his true-self sneaking through momentarily. ‘But I think your mother should be allowed to tend to you first. She was a nurse before...’ Gerald informs Olivia, without finishing his sentence. _... before she became your slave..._

‘I think a doctor should assess Alex,’ the detective argues, unaware of the trap she has just walked into. _Oh God Olivia!_ The attorney begins shaking despite herself. The detective notices.

‘My father-in-law, Jeremiah, was a doctor. He can see to Alex's injuries,’ Gerald immediately counters. ‘Jerry,’ he calls before either Alex or Olivia can blink. _No!_

‘Senator Cabot, how did Alex come by her injuries?’ Olivia changes tact.

‘Frieda, my wife, saw Alex take a tumble down the stairs,’ he answers seamlessly.

‘Surely such a tumble should be investigated by a current A&E doctor, not a past physician?’ the detective won’t be deterred.

Gerald is momentarily stumped, but regains his smug superiority as soon as Jeremiah stalks into the room. Olivia realises instantly that Alex's blonde, angular features come from her mother’s side of the family; Alex's grandfather having a handsome, Nordic edge to him; her absent mother reminding Olivia of Grace Kelly, now she thinks of it.

Jeremiah walks up to them, silently evaluating the detective's threat to his heinous, and all controlling existence. ‘Detective Benson, I just heard my dear granddaughter had a fall...’ Alex tries to keep her inner thoughts and fierce nausea from airing themselves. _If you touch me..._ ‘Let me take care of my granddaughter, detective. I always have.’

The slightest whimper escapes the blondes throat, without her even realising it. Only when Olivia turns to her briefly, does Alex acknowledge she’s voiced her thoughts on the matter. _Shit!_

‘Please move aside, so I can take Alex to a hospital...’ Olivia states evenly, her words not a request, as she tries to step forward. Both men don’t move. _Oh God, Olivia. I’m so sorry._


	7. Freedom (?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do Alex and Olivia escape the Cabot elders?
> 
> Completely new chapter up. Hope you like.
> 
> For Chely99, Starie78 and Thebadlydrawncat ❤

Olivia innately places herself between Alex and the two men, her fingers itching to handle her weapon. _Something isn’t right here_.

‘I will ask one more time, Senator Cabot,’ the detective warns quietly, her teeth gritted to hush the temptation to swear them both to hell. ‘Step aside and let us _leave,_ or I will radio my partner, whose waiting outside.’

Gerald squints at the ballsy detective for several beats, thinking of his next move; both women holding their breath.

 _Please let us go... At least let Olivia leave. I’m so sorry, Liv!_ Alex's mind works overtime as the brunette keeps her stare steady. _Please father!_

 _What the hell is going on here_? Olivia's mind yells, listening to Alex’s shallow breaths behind her. _Back the fuck off!_

‘Okay,’ he finally concedes. _‘If_  in your professional opinion, you feel Alex would benefit seeing a different physician, so be it. I want the best for my daughter,’ he says, sounding disgustingly genuine.

 _A natural born bull-shitter,_ Olivia surmises as the two men finally step back. It’s only once they do that the detective realises how invasive their proximity was. She shudders noticeably, her limbs trembling slightly as the excess adrenaline works thru her system.

Without a word, Olivia steps away from the corner they have been backed into, her hand grasping Alex's firmly.

‘This suddenly all makes sense,’ the Senator sneers, looking at their linked hands. _No, please don’t father,_ Alex's head screams, knowing _exactly_ where this is going.

Olivia glances from his eyes to their hands. Her heart races at the implication. Every time she sets eyes on the beautiful new ADA, her lungs seize, her palms moisten and her crotch burns with intense longing. For someone to place her _with_ the gorgeous blonde, is very much a compliment. And would have been funny if the situation wasn’t so strange.

The detective smirks as another thought crosses her mind. ‘It wouldn’t look good for you to be outed as homophobic, Senator,’ she warns, neither affirming or denying his assumption. His face blanches at being challenged. When Alex gives her hand a squeeze, she knows she’s done the right thing. _Meet ice with fire._ ‘We’re leaving gentleman. Good day to you,’ she concludes this bizarre exchange, making sure to keep Alex slightly in front of her, shielding her as the two Cabot elders watch on, their fists noticeably clenched.

 

As soon as they’re outside, Olivia looks for Alex’s vehicle. ‘Where’s you car?’

‘Where’s Elliot?’ the attorney counters, spying the empty squad car. 'I don’t have one. I used a taxi,’ Alex surprises Olivia, thinking someone from such a household would have a chauffeur.

‘I lied,’ the detective admits, her hand still clasping the attorneys. ‘Come with me?’ she suggests, starting to pull Alex along with her.

‘Where to?’ she quizzes uncertainly.

Olivia looks at the ADA in surprise. ‘A hospital. Do you have any _idea_ how you look right now?’

Alex lowers her head in shame. ‘I’m sorry you had to witness all that. My family's rather eccentric,’ she tries to excuse the Cabot’s behaviour; minimising the fact she’s currently bleeding.

‘Are you coming with me?’ Olivia doesn’t wish to push the obviously abused attorney. Though, the detective's discomfort at leaving her here keeps her hand firmly wrapped around Alex's.

‘Yes,’ Alex replies, knowing to stand here waiting for a taxi would almost certainly result in her being dragged back into the Cabot fold. She walks at pace to the squad car, quickly getting into the passenger seat as the detective slides behind the wheel.

‘Hospital?’ Olivia clarifies, offering her a tissue.

‘Hospital,’ Alex relents, shuddering as she reaches for said tissue.

Olivia pulls it away at the last minute. ‘Are you sure you want to wipe away evidence?’ she asks knowingly, staring into the ADA's soul. Alex momentarily falters, her eyes blinking furiously as she tries to stop the perceptive detective reading every emotion currently pummelling her senses.

Alex reaches for the tissue once more, grasping it. Olivia turns on the gas, tearing her eyes away from the enthralling yet infuriating sight of Alexandra Cabot wiping away blood, from more than one source, from her face.

 

After a thorough examination by the on-call doctor, Alex is advised to place ice compresses against each cheekbone, and rub aloe vera into the burns on her wrists, from being grabbed and held too tightly. When the doctor asks Alex to lift her hair up, the finger-like bruises around her neck prove what Olivia already knew. _Jesus Alex!_

The doctor states he will have to fill out a domestic abuse report, which floors the ordinarily stoic attorney.

‘You can’t,’ she stresses, her eyes conveying a panic Olivia has seen too many times. _Victim's terror._

‘The report is a necessary box ticking exercise, Alex. It doesn’t necessarily have to lead anywhere. Though, I personally believe those sonofabitches need to learn to heal,’ she states passionately, utterly unrepentant for her last statement.

‘Liv,’ Alex whispers, looking directly at the detective. ‘I need you to leave.’ Her words spear Olivia’s gut. ‘I’m so sorry for what you witnessed and I’m sorry I... that the situation nearly got out of hand. But, I can handle this,’ the attorney finishes, dismissing the brunette and her services. Alex psychologically closes and locks the door; her protective barriers shutting down further comment.

Olivia bites her lip, instantly regretting her last sentence. _Fuck! Distraction._ ‘We... I still need the warrant,’ the detective changes tact, recognising a victim in need of space from her trauma.

Alex’s eyes regain some of their spirit. ‘What and who is it for?’


	8. Impact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex reflects on the impact of Olivia’s rescue.

As soon as Alex secures the warrant and is given the all clear from the doctor to go home, she looks at the devastatingly headstrong detective with her most fierce expression. 

‘There’s no further reason for you to stay, Olivia,’ she says caustically. ‘Please leave.’ 

The brunette gazes at the equally headstrong attorney with assessing eyes. She knows she can’t continue to ignore her colleagues wishes, _especially_ after what she gathered, _sensed_ from that madhouse. But the detective has such a painfully overwhelming desire to stay, to protect, to embrace her willowy... _S_ _top Olivia!_ she self-chastises, nodding her head before finally turning away from those bottomless pools of turbulent sea.  

‘How will you get home?’ she decides on a practical angle to lessen the intensely private Alexandra Cabot’s humiliation. _I’m starting to understand why,_ Olivia asserts, achingly aware of the, now not so, invisible barrier preventing the attorney from removing that stick from her perfectly pert arse. 

  

The detective swallows down her guilt, thinking of the precinct banter at the attorney’s expensive: 

‘Ice queen,’ Fin (SUV's newest recruit) quips, his tone suggesting it’s certainly not an insult.  

‘A beautiful ice queen though,’ Monique says appreciatively, causing Olivia's head to snap in her direction. ‘Well, she is,’ she further states, blushing slightly as her friend continues to look at her. It takes Olivia a minute to control her sudden, unabashed jealousy. _What the actual fuck?_ the detective questions herself, wondering why Monique, of all her colleagues, is the one to ignite such a powerful reaction. 

‘Yeah, but she’d probably freeze my dick off, if she ever allowed me to touch her....’ El jokes, hitting Munch in the arm playfully, causing the older detective to glare at him in faux displeasure. 

‘She’d probably feed it to you too,’ he retorts, hitting Elliot back with a jab that screams ‘Shut up’. 

 

 _It’s starting to_ _make_ _sense._ Olivia realises she's openly staring at the ADA whilst she speaks words the detective can't fathom. _Concentrate Liv!_  

‘... a cab. Thank you for staying and...’ Alex pauses briefly, biting her bottom lip to stop herself verbalising just how much Olivia's actions and continued presence mean to her. _Control yourself, Cabot._ ‘... but I can take it from here.’ She knows she’s being terse, cold, avoidant. But to be anything else at this point would result in her dam bursting in spectacular fashion. _Leave, Olivia. Please!_  

The attorney watches as the detective surveys her features... again, hoping with every fibre of her being that Olivia Benson _will_ leave her to fall apart alone. The idea of _anyone,_ let alone the stunning brunette _seeing_ her in such a state would... _Breathe, Alex._ The blonde knows such an event _can not happen._  

‘Okay, Alex.’ _P_ _lease stop saying my name, especially like that,_ Alex's mind screams as shivers radiate up her spine. ‘I could suggest to the Captain that you...’ _No!_  

‘I _don’t_ report to Donald, Olivia,’ the ADA retorts scathingly, slowly losing her battle to keep her anger, despair and humiliation in check. ‘I’m sorry,’ she immediately apologises; the look of hurt on the detectives face enough to scar her soul.  

Olivia exhales slowly as she rethinks her communication strategy. ‘I know you’re an incredibly private person...’ _Not too personal, yet_ _conveying a message,_ the brunette silently fist pumps. ‘... Your... er... this...’ _Smooth, Benson!_ ‘How I got the warrant, isn’t anyone’s business other than yours,’ the detective _finally_ voices a safe version. ‘I’m assuming, then, that I’ll be seeing you Monday?’ Olivia asks, suggesting a days rest and some time for Alex's injuries to settle.  

The determined attorney shakes her head, before wincing, thinking better of it. This one action hurts them both. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, detective,’ she states crisply, leaving no room for argument.  

The brunette knows not to outstay her welcome any further. ‘In that case, I’ll see you tomorrow, counsellor,’ Olivia parrots Alex's cool goodbye before fishing in her jacket pocket. ‘Here,’ she says, offering the beautiful ADA her card. ‘This is my personal number...’ Before Alex can object, the detective ploughs on. ‘... just in case you need anything and have no where else to turn.’ This one utterance conveys Olivia’s absolute awareness of the blondes desperate situation. Their eyes lock for mere seconds before the brunette turns and walks away. It will only be later that the detective acknowledges just how difficult it was to leave her achingly enthralling survivor, hopelessly alone.  

 

Alex unlocks her apartment door and slams it shut, seconds before her mind and body _finally_ give in to the rioting emotions pummelling thru her senses. She leans against the door, her legs slowly giving way until she lies crumpled on the floor, her head in her hands, her body trembling with the force of her absolute mortification, and ongoing terror.  

 _Olivia_ _saw enough._ _She met my deranged family_ _._ _She saw my... read my reactions to_ _them_ _. She_ _saw my... injuries, the bruising, the blood._ _Oh my God!_ Alex’s stomach heaves in disgust, humiliation and knowing. Her private life now _anything_ but private; her weighted secrets, suddenly, unwillingly shared.  

The idea of facing Olivia again fills the ADA with dread; her only wish to escape this, her old life, her seemingly new and now sullied life. _So much for a fresh start,_ Alex thinks hopelessly; her dream o f independence and victim immunity, violated within the first week of starting her role in the Special Victims Unit. _Jesus!_  

The despairing attorney eventually sits up against the door, knees bent in front of her, her elbows balancing on them, her head in her hands. She allows her emotions to flow, knowing she has no real control over their force at this moment.  

Another even more excruciating thought penetrates her psyche. _What if they go after Olivia? What if... they ruin her or use her against me?_ A desperate scream escapes her lips as her anxieties tear her apart. _Christ!_ Her entire frame shudders as she tries and fails to stem the deluge. _You don’t deserve such a person in your life. Someone who actually cares_ _,_ _and this is fates way of proving_ _i_ _t to you!_ her rebellious mind spears her chest with heinous slurs whispered to her since she was a little girl. _Stop!_ Alex cradles her head as she attempts to silence these venomous barbs. _Please!_  

Suddenly, something wet rubs against her left elbow. The frayed ADA instantly jolts in fear and confusion. Only when she hears a gruff shriek and feels the buffet of fast moving fur, does it register.  

‘Sorry baby,’ Alex whispers, coaxing Taco back to her. When he feels sufficiently safe, he pads towards her, and immediately slouches himself next to her bent leg. ‘I’m sorry, gorgeous boy,’ she mumbles into his fur as she picks him up to nuzzle him and wipe her tears away. 

 

A knock at the door spears adrenaline thru Alex's frame. _Who the..?_ She gently puts Taco down before wiping her face with a silent sniff. Whoever’s visiting knows she’s in as they kick the door directly behind her back. Her blood runs cold. _No.._ _._  

‘Let us in girlie, or we’ll use the master key.’ 


	9. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex does what she has to, to protect Olivia.  
> Olivia does what she has to, to protect Alex.  
> Alex speaks to her boss properly for the first time.
> 
> Thanks for the continued support guys.

Alex’s heart slows, her lungs seize and her body shivers at the heinous threat, and _everything_ it represents. _No..._ is the only word that rebounds thru her mind, in a deafening cycle of revulsion and terror.  

Another forceful kick to the door reverberates against her ramrod straight back, her futile attempt at a blockade to prevent her abusers entering her only safe space. _No!_  

The idea of them violating her apartment causes her stomach to heave and bile to fill her mouth. Alex swallows thickly as she hears a key enter the groove of her lock; a fitting metaphor for what she knows is about to take place.  

This sound galvanises her into action; terrifyingly aware she only has moments. Alex moves swiftly, getting up and putting the chain on the door before running to her bathroom, locking herself in, raiding her cupboard for a razor and curling herself in the bath tub; her apartment 23 floors up, so preventing further escape. _Please don’t,_ she begs uselessly as she stares down her final barrier, razor in hand; listening, heart broken, as the chain gives way. _Fuck.._ _._ Alex whispers defeatedly as she hears them search her apartment. 

The bathroom door handle rustles. ‘In here, boys,’ her grandfather, Jeremiah, calls sickening. _Boys?!_ Alex's entire body trembles with nauseating anxiety as she waits for the forceful nudge that’ll buckle the door. _Please!_ _No_ _!_  

‘If you don’t _stop_ this foolishness right this instance, _Alexandra,_ we’ll go pay your _girlfriend_ a visit,’ her father warns harrowingly. _No!_ _Oh_ _God! Olivia!_   

Alex watches the door begin to weaken under her father’s, or brothers, brute force. A knowing dread penetrates every fibre of her being. She’s frightened, _terrified_ of what her alleged family will do to her, and Olivia, following her overt rebellion.  

‘Okay Alex, have it your way. Let’s go,’ her father, Gerald, states dismissively. _No, no, no, no!_  

Alex listens, frozen in fear, as her male relatives move to leave. _NO!_ _Don’t_ _you_ _fucking touch her!_ Her body moves at whippet speed, unlocking the ruined door as she spies the coat tails of her fathers suit. She knows they will make her beg, make her pay, make her prove herself to them, to save her _girlfriend. Not..._ _Liv._  

Alex inhales a shuddering breath before she whispers the words they most want to hear. _‘_ _Don’t. Wait._ I’ll do _anything.’_  

 

Sunday Morning  

Olivia sighs heavily stretching her shoulders, knowing she shouldn’t have spent the night staking out Alex’s apartment building. _It’s called stalking, Liv!_ There were too many entrances and exits to cover them all. Even so, doing this made the detective feel as close and protective of the beautiful attorney as she could possibly be.  

Now, hunched over her desk ridiculously early, Olivia yearns for the morning coffee her partner won't bestow on her desk for at least another hour. _Shit!_   

The brunette stands to stop herself falling asleep; shaking her aching limbs as she hungers more for the vision of Alexandra Cabot strutting through the precinct hallways. To catch one glimpse of the attorneys face; calm, collected and injury free, would convey to Olivia that their new ADA is made of the steeliest metal known to man. _Jesus, Liv!_  

 

After donning enough make up to cover her more recent injuries, Alex slowly walks to her office, thankful that no one acknowledges her, so forcing her to stop and converse like a normal human being. Being the ‘Ice Queen’ has its benefits, especially on such days as these. She makes it to her office door which she immediately shuts, before she swallows the lump choking her. Tears flood her eyes as her entire frame trembles and aches with disgust, anguish and pain.  

She allows the tears to come, in the relative privacy of her _final_ safe space: her tiny office, surrounded by professional, boundaried people. 

Alex sits gingerly at her desk, wincing slightly as the pain riots up her mid-section. _Jesus!_ she cringes, retrieving the cushion from her all-purpose bag and placing it on her chair, before she finally rests her full weight down, exhaling a long breath. _Injuries no one can see._  

She had overheard someone whisper once about wanting to remove the stick from her shapely butt. If only they knew the reasons why she walked and behaved... _Stop, Cabot! Not here. Work!_  

Alex wipes her remaining tears away impatiently, disappointed in herself for showing this weakness in her only refuge. _Oh God!_ _Olivia._  

A knock on her office door causes adrenaline to spike thru her synapses. Alex’s eyes snap to its source, giving her whiplash, as she surveys the shadow behind the glass window. She winces as her neck cracks in violent protest at her quick movement. _Breathe, Cabot._ The young ADA inhales sharply to halt her light-headedness. _Just breathe. You’re safe here._   

‘Come in,’ she calls, recognising the shadow belongs to her new boss.  

‘I thought you’d never let me in, for a minute there,’ Arthur Branch jokes, unknowing of the damage and triggers he is currently invoking.  

Alex clears her throat to stop herself regurgitating the sip of water she could keep down this morning.  

The seemingly gentle giant gestures to a chair, immediately initiating Alex’s tardy manners. ‘Please, sit.’ Arthur smiles broadly at the eventual invitation and proceeds to sit down, sighing contentedly.  

‘I’m pleased to see you’re still here...’ _Because I’m a woman or because I’m a woman and a young one at that?_ Alex’s mind retorts scathingly. _Breathe!_  

‘What’s the current bet?’ she tries humour instead. 

Her boss laughs heartedly at his young ADA's fierceness. ‘Something tells me you’re going to do well here.’ 

This one utterance means more to Alex than she’ll ever show. To burst the moment before her emotions and gratitude overwhelm her, the blonde lowers her eyes and opens a file handily left on her desk. ‘Danni Miller...’ she whispers as her boss stands to leave. 

‘I know the Miller case hurt last week,’ he states knowingly as Alex tries to swallow down her shame. _Was it really that obvious?_ ‘An 11 year old girl murdered in the most appalling of circumstances? It would've melted even my frozen soul,’ he continues, seemingly answering Alex's unspoken question as he opens her office door. ‘But you showed metal, even when...’  

 _Have you been watching me?_ her anxiety spikes once more. _Another trigger_ _thanks to Jeremiah Cabot._  

‘Lena Petrovsky rang to tell me on Friday night,’ Arthur further explains, as Alex tries to focus on what he’s saying, over the deafening thud of her heart. ‘That’s a _first._ Lena _never_ does that. You’ve made a friend in the judicial department. Congratulations counsellor,’ Branch compliments his fresh ADA, secretly praising himself for giving Alexandra Cabot the job. _Beauty to_ _arouse the_ _perps_ _,_ _brains to hoodwink the_ _defence team and balls to stare down both._ ‘Oh, and the Bureau Chief has wind of this...’ 

 _Please stop talking,_ Alex mind screams, as she squirms under the avalanche of compliments.  

‘... Elizabeth Donnelly wants to meet with you tomorrow afternoon to discuss the Cavanagh case. Clear anything in your books. This is another first. Go with it.’ 

‘Why the praise and recognition. I haven’t won a case yet?’ Alex asks the pertinent question, confusion marring her features as her boss halts his retreat. 

‘It’s not always about winning Alex. It’s about your substance, what you’re made of,’ he states enthusiastically. ‘I’m pleased you took the position, Miss Cabot.’ 

‘This has nothing to do with my father being a Senator?’ the young ADA further asserts, his mention of her surname _and_ the unfortunate reminder of what she’s made of spawning the question. 

Arthur turns about at this, his surprise clear. ‘Let’s get one thing straight Alex. I didn’t employ you because of your lineage...’ her insides crawl at the familial connection. ‘... because your a young woman or because you’re...’ Branch stops short, knowing he’s one step away from the chauvinist line. The attorney stares him down, making her superior near quake in his boots. ‘I employed you purely on your credentials, your references and you ability to make even the sturdiest of men... people kneel,’ he confesses, hoping his smile appeases his minor slip. 

Alex continues to stare, her icy facade in full force. ‘Kneel?’ she reflects, wishing to clarify his meaning. 

Arthur guffaws heartily. ‘The gaze you’re bestowing on your boss right now...’ Alex lowers her eyes immediately. ‘... conveys a haunting iron-will that I’ve never, _ever,_ had the misfortune of crossing before.’ 

The blonde surprises both of them with a little chuckle of her own. ‘Don’t ever cross me, Arthur,’ she plays along even though all she wants to do is shrivel up and die. 

‘I don’t intend to,’ he laughs again, enjoying his new ADA immensely. ‘Right, places to be, people to see,’ Branch concludes their first proper conversation with a slight nod of his head, a slight smirk dancing at his lips.  

 _Haunting? Haunting? And_ _making grown men_ _kneel?!_ _!_ _Jesus!_ _If_ _only_ _I could..._  

 

Alex continues to hide in her office for the rest of the day; purposely avoiding anyone who may look a little too closely, anyone at all.  

A knock at her door splinters the attorneys one haven. _Go away!_ her head shouts as her traitorous lips and manners win out ‘Come in.’ Even when she belatedly recognises the shadow. _Shit!_  

A gorgeous brunette, bestowed with a force badge and an annoying amount of compassion and curiosity, steps into view. _Fuck!_ Alex is utterly aware she’s never sworn so much in her life, as those chocolate brown orbs find and hold her cloudy blue. 


	10. Uneasy Accord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia try to ground their unstable relationship.  
> Alex earns her stripes infront of the squad.
> 
> Yup, another chapter folks. Hope you like.

‘How can I help you, detective?’ Alex asks abruptly, the brunettes presence taking her completely off guard.  

Olivia flinches slightly at the ADA's tone even though she knows _exactly_ why the beautiful attorney is sharp with her. _Self-preservation._  

‘I’ve come on work matters...’ 

‘Sure you have,’ Alex retorts, trying her best to alienate the perceptive detective.  

‘The Cap asked me to request you come down to the Precinct to observe an interrogation...’ Olivia ignores the barb entirely.  

‘You could have called me,’ Alex counters icily before the brunette eyes the unhooked phone pointedly. The blonde clears her throat and lowers her head self-consciously, as a blush spreads across her features. _Goddamnit_ _!_  

Olivia can only watch as the ADA gets a handle on herself. When Alex eventually meets the detectives gaze once more, she is astounded at the blondes self-containment and control. _Incredible_. Only her slight wince gives her away. _Jesus_.  

‘Do you need me to attend today?’ Alex asks ridiculously, keeping the desperation out of her voice. 

‘Is there anything stopping you from coming today?’ Olivia reflects, inadvertently goading the attorney’s ire. Alex clenches her teeth to silence a growl. 

Eye contact is broken once more. _Shit_ _!_ the detective self-admonishes, knowing she’s pushing too hard.  

‘I have to finalise the Miller case and prep for the Cavanagh case...’ Even to her own ears, the argument sounds pathetically flimsy.  

Olivia swallows down the obvious counter argument. Instead, she takes a moment to think of something utterly safe to say. ‘We have 23 hours left on this paedophiles custody clock. I don’t want to waste a _second_ of it,’ the detective finally voices, knowing the underlying accusation will surely galvanise the painstakingly avoidant attorney.  

Alex knows she’s cornered. _Stop being so selfish, Cabot!_ ‘Of course. I’ll meet you there in 20,’ she relents. 

‘I’ve got a car...’ 

‘Olivia! I’ll meet you there in 20,’ she stresses, leaving no room for further discussion. The idea of the observant detective watching her every move, and sitting next to her in an enclosed vehicle space, radiates fear and adrenaline thru Alex’s every fibre. _Being_ _‘seen'_ _by Olivia_ _;_ _being_ _seen_ _with Olivia in public_ _..._  

The brunette nods her head and leaves, reading the blondes need for space. Her abdomen flips as she worries she’s pushed Alex too far. But Olivia is unsure of what else to do, considering her breath-taking colleague’s fiercely armoured boundaries. _God, I hope I haven’t fucked up or traumatised her more._   

 

The Precinct  

Alex takes the lift to the bullpen, having applied Vaseline and taken a minor overdose of painkillers to ease her noticeably pained gait. By the time she steps into Observation Room One, standing beside Cragen and Fin, the attorney feels semi human. 

‘Nice you could join us, Alex,’ Cragen half-jokes but his underlying meaning is overtly discernible.  

‘I told your Benson I needed to finish up,’ she barks back, causing Don to smile wryly.  

‘You really are a firecracker aren’t you?’ he states good-naturedly, instantly defrosting the bristling attorney. 

‘Don’t cross me, Don,’ Alex quips, feeling the most human she has all day, as she observes Olivia and Dick goading the trembling paedophile _._ She swallows the lump in her throat as Cragen nods to Fin to join the interrogation, to push the idiot pervert over the edge. _There is justice in this world._  

 

‘So what do you think counsellor?’ the Captain asks as he and the detectives surround their ADA. Alex crosses her arms in an innate self-protective gesture which causes Olivia, Cragen and Fin to step back. Dick doesn’t until prompted. This subtle behaviour makes the attorney even more self conscious as her eyes find and hold chocolate brown for mere seconds. _You haven’t..?_ Alex discerns the tiniest shake of Olivia’s head.  

The blonde glances at Cragen, to escape the ever-assessing orbs of the undeniably beautiful brunette. ‘I think he’s a schmuck who will beg for a deal,’ Alex surmises, eyeing the suspect thru the one way window. ‘And that’s why I won’t be agreeing to one. He'll stand trial and he _will_ lose. Good job detectives,’ she states affirmatively, looking at each officer, including Dick. Fin and Cragen exhale loudly, appreciative of Alexandra Cabot’s directness.  

The forthright ADA turns to leave but Dick calls her name, halting her escape. ‘Alex, you wanna catch a drink with us?’  

She nullifies her shock by biting the inside of her cheek. The idea of going back to her apartment is both nauseating and terrifying. _What if they’re there when I return?_ The idea of a prolonged stay in the company of these four cops, prided on their perceptive nature and drive, will leave Alex feeling even more exposed and shamed. _Jesus_ _C_ _hrist!_ The ADA finds herself frozen and unable to speak. _A rarity._ _Say something_ _,_ _you_ _idiot!_  

‘I’ll walk you out Alex,’ Olivia rescues her, somehow using her body to guide the ADA to the door, without touching her. 

Alex immediately complies, falling in step with the ever thoughtful detective. As soon as they’re in the lift, the attorney internally panics at the idea of being alone with her. _What if they see us? What if they...? God! Fucking Chri_ _st_ _,_ _why Olivia_ _?!_  

On the surface, the ADA appears the epitome of calm, elegance and grace. Inside, she’s screaming. 

‘Alex,’ Olivia whispers. The way the detective says her name sends shivers of need migrating to her sore centre. ‘Sorry if I’ve pissed you off, upset you or overstepped. I don’t want to cause you further...’ 

‘Jesus Olivia! _Please_ stop, just _stop_ _.._ _!’_ _being so nice, so thoughtful, so compassionate._  

The detective stares at the attorney open-mouthed. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll...’ she stutters. No one has _ever_ made Olivia Benson stammer before. _Not until this stubborn, iron-willed beauty._  

Alex approaches her then, just as the lift opens to another floor. She backs off as several cops step in. The silence and wait are agonising as the detective wonders whether the ADA was going to hit her, hug her... _what?_ The blonde, for her part, is equal parts thankful and furious at the interruption; uncertain of what exactly she planned to do once she was within touching distance of Olivia Benson.  

Eventually the new recruits leave on their designated floors. Alex exhales the breath she’s been holding, having felt the brunettes eyes on her for the duration of their enforced silence. When she turns, those brown orbs are still watching her.  

The attorney makes a split second decision. She presses the emergency stop button, causing both the lift and Olivia to jolt in shock 

As soon as the lift creaks to an unnatural halt, Alex turns to the detective with fierce determination. ‘I can’t lose this job Olivia.’  

Her words surprise the brunette; having wrongly expected any awkwardly forced conversation to centre on the attorney’s obvious abuse. ‘Why would you think..?’ 

‘I’m screwing up,’ Alex speaks plainly. ‘Perhaps not generally, but I... I was late to your interrogation and I wasn’t _exactly_ thrilled at the prospect of being around...’ she bites her lip to silence her harsh truth.  

‘Me?’ Olivia deduces quickly, her heart falling to the ground floor in a plummeting mess. 

The ADA silently nods her head as she tries to stem her emotions, _any_ emotions. ‘I’m sorry you... were there,’ she whispers hauntingly, knowing if the incredibly brave woman standing in front of her hadn’t attended the Cabot residence, she may not be alive today. _Breathe_. 

Olivia’s presence has instead led to an increased brutality in her male relatives treatment, and frenzied control, of her. _A home grown conversion therapy, they called it._ _How dare a female_ _Cabot_ _have a voice,_ _think she has a_ _choice,_ _have a_ _job,_ _a r_ _ebellious streak,_ _a friendship with the word_ _‘_ _no_ _’_ _and_ _be a lesbian to boot._ _The_ _ultimate insult._ Alex swallows thickly to clear her blocked oesophagus. Olivia’s presence has also led to the detectives _own_ life being in danger. 

‘Please stop checking in on me. Stop looking at me like that...’ the attorney pleads as Olivia checks herself, knowing her eyes are conveying more than either of them are ready, or able, to entertain.  

 _Shit!_ ‘I’m sorry,’ Olivia apologises, lowering her gaze; her concerns for the achingly beautiful ADA rioting thru her. 

Alex ducks her head also, hoping the heat of her face isn’t blossoming into a blush. ‘I... _Please_ , don’t tell _anyone_ about me, about what you think you saw, about the hospital or about what we’re discussing now. It...’ Alex begs, her cloudy blues so open wide, Olivia fears she’ll drown in them. ‘I realise I’m putting you in a...’ 

‘Being an adult, I can’t force you. Without a statement, I am duty bound to respect your wishes, even though it goes against every moral code I possess. _To serve and protect_ remember?’ the detective recites, gazing at her now stoic colleague. ‘But if this ends with a body bag, I’ll never forgive myself,’ she confesses as her lungs seize. 

‘Nor will I,’ Alex agrees, from the opposing perspective.  

They look at each other for a long moment; their renewed awareness and understanding bonding and isolating them in equal measure.  

‘Can we start again?’ Alex asks eagerly. ‘I’m Alexandra Frieda Cabot...’ she offers, wanting so desperately to move forward, or at least sideways, with their relationship. 

‘And I’m Olivia Magdalena Benson...’ the brunette appeases the stunning attorney, whilst making an internal promise to covertly monitor the not entirely known situation, until such a time she feels Alex is no longer at risk. _I promise to serve and protect you, always._ Only once Olivia’s mind forms the vow, does she realise how deep her feelings already run for ADA Alexandra Frieda Cabot.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Please feel free to move onto Struggle, where there's angst galore. Struggle is set immediately after Alex returns from witness protection. The time between Teflon and Struggles follows canon. 
> 
> Enjoy.


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